The 10 Most Badass Geeks in Film/TV

By: Adam Quigley Posted: March 25, 2008

Sooner or later, people are gonna have to face the facts: geeks are taking over. With advancements in technology and the Internet clearly defining our generation, jocks and the muscle-bound have slowly found their way to the sidelines to make room for the smart kids. Even Hollywood has taken notice. After all, in what other universe would Shia LaBeouf be the prime candidate in a big-budget blockbuster for the "action hero"? It's our time, gentlemen. And these badass geeks have paved the way.

10. CLARENCE WORLEY - True Romance

"I'm not eatin' 'cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' 'cause I'm not stayin'. I'm not lookin' at the movie 'cause I saw it seven years ago. It's 'The Mack' with Max Julian, Carol Speed, and Richard Pryor, written by Bobby Poole, directed by Michael Campus, and released by Cinerama Releasing Company in 1984. I'm not scared of you. I just don't like you. In that envelope is some payoff money. Alabama's moving on to some greener pastures. We're not negotiatin'. I don't like to barter. I don't like to dicker. I never have fun in Tijuana. That price is non-negotiable. What's in that envelope is for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is worth that much. Not one penny less, not one penny more."

While enjoying a Sonny Chiba triple feature at the theater for his birthday, Clarence Worley has his world turned upside down by a flirtatious hottie named Alabama, with whom he proceeds to show off his place of work—a comic book store—before getting hot and heavy in the bedroom. The next morning, she confesses to be a call girl set up by his boss, but that in the time they've spent together she's actually come to love him. Now how's that for a geek fantasy? A hot babe coming to appreciate your eccentric qualities after a glorious night of Sonny Chiba, comic books, and boning? All you need to do now to be propelled to the heights of a full-fledged badass is steal a suitcase full of cocaine and unload some bullets into a wise-crackin' dirt bag pimp with dreadlocks played by Gary Oldman, which Clarence Worley does with style to boot. Hardcore.

9. DONNIE DARKO - Donnie Darko

"Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating Twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls."

When not busy having overly intellectual conversations about Smurfs' asexual lifestyles, Donnie Darko also spends his days researching time travel, setting fire to pedophiles' houses, and saving the world from impending doom. He's an awkward, emotionally challenged young teenager with his whole life still ahead of him, until he sacrifices it to save the girl he loves. It's a poetic finish that clearly defines his placement as one of the most badass geeks in cinema.

8. GIL GRISSOM - CSI

"We look at each case objectively, without presupposition, regardless of sex, creed, color, or bubblegum flavor."

Proving that brains come before brawn, forensic entomologist and unabashed geek Gil Grissom investigates even the most seemingly mundane details from crime scenes and uses them to put criminals and murderers behind bars, quipping clever one-liners all the way. This just goes to show, you don't need to engage in acts of violence to be a badass... but the one-liners certainly help.

7. BEAST - X-Men

[to Wolverine] "My boy, I have been fighting for mutant rights since before you had claws."

Though the character was poorly handled by director/hack Brett Ratner, Kelsey Grammer managed to perfectly capture everything that made Beast such a brilliant-minded kicker-of-asses through his various comic book and television incarnations. He's an intellectual type—one of the world authorities on biochemistry and genetics, a mutant political activist, Secretary of Mutant Affairs, and a huge bookworm. Yet at the same time, he wouldn't hesitate to unleash the fury within and tear your ass in two. This contrast has made him one of the more interesting X-Men mutants in the Marvel universe, and certainly one of the most badass geeks to find his way to film and television.

6. DEXTER MORGAN - Dexter

"I suppose I should be upset, even feel violated, but I'm not. No, in fact, I think this is a friendly message, like, 'Hey, wanna play?' and yes I want to play. I really, really do."

Who says serial killers can't be geeks? Dexter may compulsively capture and kill morally reprehensible civilians, but he's also a crime-solving blood pattern analyst who works for the Miami Police Department, thus making him the occupant of the geekiest possible job a psychotic murderer could hope for. For every sociopathic tendency he has, he's got one more geeky quality that makes him almost lovable. Just don't get too close... you may end up his next victim.

5. MACGYVER - MacGyver

"Look, if this works, it'll keep us from gettin' caught. If it doesn't, it'll keep us from gettin' old."

Secret agent Angus MacGyver (yes, his first name is Angus) is such a geeky badass, he's even got his own Wikipedia page dedicated to the 100+ problems he's solved in awesomely creative ways. This includes everything from defusing a highly advanced nuclear warhead with a paper clip to plugging a sulfuric acid leak with chocolate. And that's just in the first episode. Need more convincing of his geek-tastic badassery? Just check out that hairdo. I'm surprised ladies can even look at him without dropping their panties in ecstasy.

4. NEO - The Matrix

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you."

Before transforming into the all-powerful "The One," Thomas Anderson was a mere office worker, drudging through his day-to-day life and spending his nights as a hacker with the handle, "Neo," slowly finding the truth behind the world that is the Matrix. It's the geek's wet dream: the world as we know is actually a computer program. Need to learn kung fu? Just upload it into your brain. For this geek though, things get slightly more complicated, as he thrusts himself into a kung-fu-filled shootout of epic proportions, complete with bullet dodging, cartwheels, and a severe disregard for physics. Woah.

3. PETER PARKER - Spider-Man

"Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied."

Let's pretend for a second that Spider-Man 3 never happened, and Peter Parker never turned into a lesbian-looking emo douchebag. Let's focus on the good times, such as with his insanely cool train battle with Doc Ock in the second film and his beat down on Green Goblin in the first. That's how we should remember Spider-Man; as the badass he was, and not the pansy he became. And to think, all it took to morph the massively geeky science whiz to a web-slinging, crime-fighting badass is one tiny little radioactive spider. I gotta get me one of those.

2. ANAKIN SKYWALKER / DARTH VADER - Star Wars

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

It's strange to think that one of the world's most iconic and badass movie villains would ultimately be revealed as a major geek during his childhood years. Little Anakin Skywalker was an engineering prodigy, capable of building or repairing anything tech-related, including his own podracer and even C-3PO (albeit naked). His darker side began to show in Episode II, when he slaughtered the entire Tusken Raiders village after finding his mother beaten to death. Then in Episode III he crossed over completely to the dark side, and the rest, as they say, is history. It's a harrowing tale of geekdom, badassery, and George Lucas' tragic inability to write dialogue.

1. HIRO NAKAMURA - Heroes

"Every ten year old wishes he had super powers. And I get them. Me of all people. Last in my class. Last on the sports field. I'm not a loser anymore."

Equal parts Star Trek/comic book-loving geek and samurai-sword wielding/time-manipulating badass, Hiro brings together the best of both worlds, and does so with a giant smile on his face, his arms thrust in the air, and a joyously loud, "Ya-ta!" Fans of Heroes will agree, Hiro's crazy adventures with his buddy Ando are without a doubt the highlight of the show. Watching the upbeat cubicle worker discover his time-warping abilities and use them for the better of mankind has been a thrill, and with it so has his progressive journey from lovable geek to all-out villain-defeating badass. Seeing the even stronger contrast with Game Boy-playing young Hiro and then goatee and ponytail-sporting future Hiro only strengthens his position as the ultimate badass geek.

NOTE: To all those possibly wondering about the lack of Clark Kent/Superman on the list, he wasn't included intentionally. While the man of steel certainly qualifies as a badass, he is not a geek. Clark Kent is awkward and dorky enough, yes, but he is merely Superman's alter ego -- not the other way around. Thus, he doesn't apply. And that, my friends, is why I'll never have a longtime girlfriend.

UPDATE: As with any top ten list, no matter how perfect you make think your picks are, there are always people ready to come out of the woodwork and yell at the top of their lungs, "YOU FORGOT THIS PERSON. THIS LIST FAILS. YOU FAIL. KILL YOURSELF." So without further ado, here are the user-submitted entries of badass geeks that deserve some special notice:

Herbert West - Re-Animator (by doctechnical)

Mulder and Scully - The X-Files (by anonymous)

Feel free to submit all other badass geeks you think of in the comments below and I'll add them with the others (unless they're shitty picks, in which case I'll ridicule you mercilessly for even considering them).

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You can also hear Dave, Adam, and Devindra on The Watchers Podcast.