2008 Oscar Nominations Provide Substantial Evidence that the Academy Should Perform Fellatio on Itself

By: Adam Quigley Posted: January 22, 2009 Filed under: Official Info

With the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences's announcement of their official nominations for 2008, one can't help but wonder, "Hey guys, is it hard for you to breathe with your heads so aggressively shoved up your asses?"

WARNING: Excessive fan-ranting ahead...

Best Picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

Why The Noms Suck: I've been disillusioned by the Best Picture nominations in the past, but never before have I been truly baffled by them. The only movie I haven't seen on the list is The Reader, which is a film I've heard only middling things about (and the reviews seem to confirm this). As for the rest, Slumdog Millionaire is the only film listed that I believe truly deserves its nomination. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a brilliantly crafted but ultimately hollow retread of Forrest Gump that used its backwards aging plot device solely as a gimmick (you could basically give Brad Pitt's character any other physically-altering disease/disability and almost nothing in the story would change). Frost/Nixon was a solid film, sure, but it works much better as a minor piece of dialogue-based fluff entertainment (albeit for the more intellectually-geared moviegoer) than it does as an emotionally-charged powerhouse drama. Lastly there's Milk, which despite all the glowing praise from critics and audiences, I found to be a rather conventional and emotionally unsatisfying biopic.

Here's the thing though: I'm not frustrated that four movies I don't feel deserve Best Picture nominations got nominated. I'm frustrated that three of those films seem to be nominated more because they deal with notable historic events than because the films themselves are impressive cinematic achievements. The Reader apparently isn't anything special, but hey, it deals with the Holocaust. One nomination down! Frost/Nixon isn't anything special either, but hey, it deals with one of our most infamous presidents while also being culturally relevant to the present. Two nominations down! And I'll probably incur the wrath of many for this statement, but I still believe the rave response to Milk is much like that of a fanboy's response to, say, the upcoming Watchmen movie. People already so adamantly support the issues being dealt with in Milk that the level of interest they have in the project extends far beyond what they would normally, and thus, they're able to enjoy and appreciate it that much more. And all of that is really just a roundabout way of saying the acclaim Milk is receiving is primarily a reflection of current political issues. Hmm, what's that? The Academy loves movies that deal with current political issues? Three nominations down!

Finally, there's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which may be a work of fiction, but like I said, is also a Forrest Gump retread. And if you'll recall, Forrest Gump won Best Picture in 1994. And what movies did Forrest Gump beat out that year? Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption. Keeping this in mind, is it really any surprise that Ben Button got nominated despite having far superior competition?

The two most notable snubs this year are The Dark Knight and The Wrestler. I already expected that The Dark Knight would be snubbed (although I'll admit, part of me held out hope that I'd be proven wrong), but the exclusion of The Wrestler is mind-boggling. That's exactly the type of film that the Oscars usually love, and more importantly, it's an excellent fucking movie! And I'm clearly not the only one who thinks so. I'd also argue that Doubt deserved to be nominated.

To further emphasize a point though, opting not to nominate The Dark Knight for Best Picture really shows just how totally irrelevant the Academy has become. These are meant to be awards for the most noteworthy achievements in film. Have The Reader, Frost/Nixon and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button really contributed more to the world of cinema than The Dark Knight? Are they really better films? The Dark Knight may be based on a comic book, but I can safely say it provides a much more thoughtful, intelligent and mature dissection of its themes than either Frost/Nixon or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. And that's while simultaneously managing to thoughourly entertain the masses with a 2-and-a-half hour runtime. That, my friends, is a stunningly rare achievement, and one that deserves to be recognized.

Best Director:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, David Fincher
Frost/Nixon, Ron Howard
Milk, Gus Van Sant
The Reader, Stephen Daldry
Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle

Why The Noms Suck: Ron Howard. You nominated Ron Howard over Christopher Nolan or Darren Aronofsky. Are you fucking serious? Frost/Nixon was not a good movie because of Ron Howard's direction. It was a good movie in spite of it. He didn't even have to do anything! He just took the play and translated it to the screen in the most basic way you possibly could. Darren Aronofsky, meanwhile, managed to deliver one of the most intimate, heart-wrenching character studies ever put on film, and he gets... nothing. And oh man, don't even get me started on the colossal mindfuck that is snubbing Christopher Nolan. Apparently being one of the only filmmakers on the planet to flawlessly combine brilliant storytelling, well-rounded characters and a weighty thematic narrative with a genre previously known for containing the exact opposite of those things doesn't warrant attention in the eyes of the Academy.

Best Actor:
Richard Jenkins in The Visitor
Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn in Milk
Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler

Why The Noms Suck: Mickey Rourke? NICE! Sean Penn? ABSOLUTELY! Richard Jenkins? GREAT ACTOR! Frank Langella? RIGHT ON! Brad Pitt? YEA- wait, what? Really? Brad Pitt? For Benjamin Button? I don't remember Brad Pitt having to stretch his acting muscles even once for that role. I'm pretty sure the CGI emoted more than he did.

Best Actress:
Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie in Changeling
Melissa Leo in Frozen River
Meryl Streep in Doubt
Kate Winslet in The Reader

Why The Noms Suck: You know, I think I'll just let this dialogue excerpt from a 2005 episode of Extras, in which Kate Winslet played herself, speak for itself...
Andy: I'd just like to say you doing this is so commendable. You know, using your profile to keep the message alive about the Holocaust.
Kate Winslet: My God, I'm not doing it for that. I mean, I don't think we need another film about the Holocaust, do we? It's like, how many have there been? No, we get it, it was grim, move on. No, I'm doing this because I've noticed that if you do a film about the Holocaust, guaranteed an Oscar. I've been nominated four times. Never won. The whole world is going, "Why hasn't Winslet won one?" That's it. That's why I'm doing it. Schindler's bloody List. The Pianist. Oscars coming out of their arse.

Best Supporting Actor:
Josh Brolin in Milk
Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt
Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road

Why The Noms Suck: I've gotta be honest, there's not much I can complain about here. Heath Ledger got the nomination he so rightfully deserved, and the Academy even went out of their to recognize Robert Downey Jr. for his hilarious and rather brilliant performance in Tropic Thunder. Philip Seymour Hoffman was pretty much a lock already, and for good reason (although I can't say I understand why he's being listed under "supporting"). Michael Shannon is another great pick, despite the fact that the character he had to play was Revolutionary Road's most obvious example of lazy screenwriting. I'm not at all surprised that Josh Brolin was nominated, though he's the one actor here that I don't think deserves it; not because he did a poor job, but because he was never really given the opportunity to do anything particularly noteworthy with the role.

Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams in Doubt
Penélope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis in Doubt
Taraji P. Henson in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Why The Noms Suck: No complaints. Random thought: if they narrowed the category down to "Best (Naked) Supporting Actress," Marisa Tomei would be an instant win. And we'd all win too. Over and over. With our hands.

Best Original Screenplay:
Frozen River, Written by Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky, Written by Mike Leigh
In Bruges, Written by Martin McDonagh
Milk, Written by Dustin Lance Black
WALL-E, Written by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon

Why The Noms Suck: Once again, no complaints. In fact, I am very pleasantly surprised that In Bruges received a screenplay nomination. Well deserved.

Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Screenplay by Eric Roth
Doubt, Written by John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon, Screenplay by Peter Morgan
The Reader, Screenplay by David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire, Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

Why The Noms Suck: Eric Roth must be laughing his ass off. He managed to write the same script twice, and get Oscar nominations for each one (even winning the first time). And you know what? The script for The Dark Knight is better than both of them. Naturally though, the Oscars are too "prestigous" to nominate a screenplay adapted from a comic book, regardless of how good it is.

Best Animated Film:
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
WALL-E

Why The Noms Suck: I think we can safely assume that the selection of these three films being right on the money has more to do with there only being three genuinely good animated films this year than the Academy actually displaying even the faintest semblance of thoughtful decision-making (i.e. not having their heads up their asses).

Best Original Score:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Alexandre Desplat
Defiance, James Newton Howard
Milk, Danny Elfman
Slumdog Millionaire, A.R. Rahman
WALL-E, Thomas Newman

Why The Noms Suck: And once again, The Dark Knight gets totally and completely snubbed. Fuck you, Academy. Fuck you.

Best Original Song:
"Down to Earth" from WALL-E, Music by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman, Lyric by Peter Gabriel
"Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire, Music by A.R. Rahman, Lyric by Gulzar
"O Saya" from Slumdog Millionaire, Music and Lyric by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam

Why The Noms Suck: I'm starting to sense a pattern here. Bruce Springsteen's "The Wrestler" did not receive a nomination, much to the surprise of just about everyone. Is the Academy just going out of its way to not nominate The Wrestler or something?

Best Foreign Film:
The Baader Meinhof Complex
The Class
Departures
Revanche
Waltz with Bashir

Why The Noms Suck: Let the Right One In. One of the best films of the year. No nomination. I hate you.

Update: Apparently Sweden didn't even submit Let the Right One In for Oscar consideration. I suppose that means I should be directing my anger toward Sweden and not the Academy. Fuck you too, Sweden!

The rest of the nominations can be found listed at the official Oscars site.