If Zac Efron Plays Johnny Quest, I Will Kill Everyone

By: Adam Quigley Posted: February 16, 2009 Filed under: Casting, Rumors

Today's big rumor can be summed up as follows: Zac Efron is currently a front-runner to play Johnny Quest for The Adventures of Jonny Quest, a live-action adaptation of the '60s cartoon. The less painful part of the rumor consists of underrated actor Dwayne Johnson playing Race Bannon, which I'd argue is a suitable choice. The pain ramps up a bit more though with Andy Fickman (She's the Man, The Game Plan, Race to Witch Mountain) possibly directing the film.

I won't lie; I'm not actually that big of a Johnny Quest fan. I remember watching the occasional episode when I was younger and enjoying it, but it wasn't as vital a part of my Saturday morning routine as, say, Street Sharks (which, for the record, is the greatest cinematic achievement of all time, next to HBO's The Wire). But I will say this: I'm a big fan of hating Zac Efron. And that motherfucker better stay the hell away from any and all reboots or remakes of movies/TV shows that people older than 15 hold dear to their hearts.

It's already bad enough that he's aiding in the complete destruction of today's youths with that void of intelligent thought that's known as the Disney Channel.* Does he really need to further bridge the generational gap by tainting our memories of a period when kids actually had a modicum of quality entertainment?

On a list of awful movie ideas, Zac Efron playing Johnny Quest is beaten out only by the Jonas Brothers being cast as The Hardy Boys.** Efron should really just stick to making shitty musicals (next up: High School Musical 4: Held Back a Year) and other movies that nobody with taste cares about. That's what he's best at, and that's what's best for the world.

*If I ever have kids, I'll have them watching Jurassic Park before I subject their minds to that garbage.

**As I typed that, a certain amount of fear swarmed over me that some studio executive might read it and think to himself, "What a brilliant idea!" If that ever happens, God help us all.