If you were at all worried that Hollywood might fuck up the Smurfs movie, I have some good news: they were always going to fuck it up. It was always going to suck.
Why is that good news?
Because now you can stop hoping it won't. You don't even have to wait until the trailer. With a single announcement, Columbia Pictures and Sony Animation has already told us everything we need to know about the shitstorm of cringe-worthy gags and hack-tastic storytelling that's in store for us.
We know this because Raja Gosnell, the guy behind Scooby-Doo and Beverly Hills Chihuahua, is going to be directing the film.
Producer Jordan Kerner had this to say about the decision:
With Raja coming aboard, we now have a brilliant director who has proven time and again that he has a deft touch in blending the worlds of physical comedy and honest emotion with both live action and photo-real animated characters. Our three-apple-high heroes are in good hands, and we feel absolutely positively Smurfy to be working with him.
When asked whether Raja Gosnell's involvement in the project meant the film would consist of an abundance of juvenile humor, Kerner was too busy gargling Raja's balls to reply.
Let's analyze this quote piece by piece, shall we?
...brilliant director...
As of 2009, Raja Gosnell has directed seven films. They are as follows:
Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008)
Yours, Mine and Ours (2005)
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004)
Scooby-Doo (2002)
Big Momma's House (2000)
Never Been Kissed (1999)
Home Alone 3 (1997)
The total average IMDB user ranking for these titles is currently 4.4 out of 10. By comparison, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen currently has a 6.4 out of 10, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine currently has a 6.8.
The total average Rotten Tomatoes score for his films is 8%. By comparison, Brett Ratner has 15%, Roland Emmerich has 20%, and Renny Harlin has 21%.
There are many things you could call this director, but "brilliant" is not one of them.
...has proven time and again that he has a deft touch in blending the worlds of physical comedy and honest emotion...
Translation: We can't wait to see the variety of ways Raja Gosnell will find to have our characters get hit with stuff, and then wrap it all up with a half-assed sequence toward the end where they all learn a valuable lesson about friendship or acceptance or something else that's super daring & challenging like that.
...with both live action and photo-real animated characters...
Translation: Alvin and the Chipmunks was a surprise success, so we're going to try to replicate that by having a human character discover the Smurfs and then a whole bunch of wacky shenanigans will ensue.
...we feel absolutely positively Smurfy...
Translation: I enjoy having cock in and around my mouth.
Rest assured, this film will be a disaster. And it will make a lot of money.
And check out back-episodes of the /Filmcast here!
74 Comments
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Libya are living report
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1600 GMT: Kadhafi son Seif al-Islam, defending the bombing of Brega harbor, reported the port appeared to be associated with significant relevance to your Libyan economic system.Brega, he explained, is the "oil and also propane centre involving Libya. Us all, all of us eat, many of us reside as a consequence of Brega. Without having Brega six million folk have virtually no upcoming, mainly because we export our own essential oil out of there".Those taking over town ended up being definitely a new "militia, these folks were shooting themselves, that they were included with a few dive bombs and heavy equipment guns".This individual increased: "Nobody allows the actual militia to overpower Brega, it can be including you happen to be making it possible for anyone to regulate Rotterdam harbour with Holland."
1755 GMT: Rebels inside the opposition-held capital of scotland - Benghazi mourned the lifeless, keeping funerals pertaining to 6-8 on the militia fighting your Kadhafi regimen, together with several others inside the capital of scotland- Ajdabiya, A hundred and fifty kilometer (94 a long way) towards the gulf. "Kadhafi escape, Libyans do not want you" and also "Kadhafi you are crazy" that they yelled.In Benghazi any spokesperson with the court house, your rebels' nerve centre, who failed to strive to be titled, explained, "We have taken a great deal of inmates, as many as 75."An standard with a hospital in Benghazi informed AFP in which rebels seized bundled 3 Libyans and a couple of anonymous "Africans," putting that they had ended up taken up to Benghazi intended for pondering.
1741 GMT: Moamer Kadhafi's son Seif al-Islam tells Britain's Heavens News flash tv that will weapons fell about the western port of Brega have been meant merely to "frighten" rebels at this time there, to not get rid of anyone."First of all. the weapons (usually are) in order to frighten the crooks to disappear, to never invasion the harbor. Never to obliterate your people,In . he said, incorporating "Brega isn't a metropolis. Brega can be an gas conceal."
1736 GMT: Canada's foreign minister is usually proposing some sort of law to be able to lock up the belongings regarding dodgy regimes, final a loophole this helped your family of Tunisia's ex-president to cover profit the nation's finance institutions. The law, known as The Iced Resources connected with Dodgy Programs Take action, gives Ottawa "new plus much more powerful resources within our combat file corruption error along with the misappropriation associated with express finances by means of repressive unusual commanders," International Minister Lawrence Rule says.
1729 GMT: A US Senator claims Libya's envoy in order to Wa has asserted that weight allows can reject Venezuela's idea for your mediated end to perilous abuse thereDemocratic Senator John Menendez claimed Ali Aujali -- repudiated by way of Tripoli due to the fact they started embattled chief Moamer Kadhafi, yet still found through Arizona while Libya's ambassador -- promised "no discussions without concessions."Menendez said just after tells you using the diplomat he pointed out "efforts to look for a new arranged solution" to help Aujali without especially stating Chavez's thought, "and the result seemed to be 'no discussions with no credits.'"
17h21 GMT: The ecu Financial commitment Lender, the European Union's personal equip, claims it will eventually advancing more than 800 zillion pounds in many personal loans to Egypt.
1718 GMT: Syrian people fleeing rebel-held Libya with regard to house chatted in Benghazi, Libya in their delight from getting out of the particular abuse, frantically nervous their adopted nation may possibly spiral directly into battle."No a single appeared to be shopping for just about any product so we fearfulness the matter gets more serious and remain a more impressive war,Inch reported Abdullah Abras, who seem to imports sneakers out of Syria to promote from the oil-rich Upper Cameras point out.
He reported this individual seft guiding Eight,000 dinars ($6,517 or even Several,600 dollars) importance of inventory, so enthusiastic has been they to leave night time connected with constant gunfire."I will not give back in case the problem stays precisely the same. Now i am very happy to go backside since I have already been by way of quite a few frightening a short time and nights right here,In he explained.
1712 GMT: AFP can be moving forward this is live survey of the uprising mopping Libya, To the north Photography equipment and the Centre Distance. This is a repeat of one of the most crucial latest improvements.
LIBYA: Moamer Kadhafi's routine releases contemporary hits resistant to the rebel-held Libyan capital of scotland - Brega because it tries to recapture the main element gas vent.
-- The Worldwide Court arrest says Kadhafi, his children and also critical aides will likely be probed through claims they've got perpetrated criminal activity next to the human race.
-- A serious foreign function is definitely arrived in order to airlift 1000s of refugees, a lot of whom are generally Egyptians, from Tunisian border ideologies.
-- Libya's essential oil output offers gotten simply by one half considering that the rebellion started out, the nation's prime oil formal states.
-- Venezuela produces a pitch becoming thought to be by way of Libya plus the Arabic Group to identify a quiet answer to this dilemma while in the To the north African region.
AFP
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