DVD: Mamma Mia!

By: Eli Turner Posted: January 11, 2009

You get to hear "Dancing Queen" twice in this one!

I don't know if it's my Swedish heritage (I'm 1/32nd Swede, I think), but I actually like ABBA. I know it's pretty gay, but I don't really care. Your mom knows I'm not gay. Burn. Anyway, I may like ABBA, but I freaking HATED this movie.

It started with Across the Universe, this incredibly odd and unnecessary production of musicals based on old bands. I love The Beatles, and that's exactly why I hated Across the Universe; they butchered so many great songs and made a crap movie on top of that. I like ABBA, but that hardly had anything to do with this piece of crap movie. In fact, I think the musical numbers are all that kept me from turning the movie off. I just fear that we're going to have a 2009 release of "I Can't Fight This Feeling" based on REO Speedwagon.

I know I shouldn't compare Across the Universe with Mamma Mia! because Mamma Mia! was a successful stage musical first, whereas Across the Universe shoe-horned its songs into the plot. Mamma Mia!'s songs fit surprisingly well into the plot, actually. That didn't change the fact that the filmmaker managed to turn a cheesy seventies disco band into something even more annoying.

The best way I can describe the movie is as annoying. Almost every minute is so over-acted that I feel like it would work if it were on stage and I were in the mezzanine section, or maybe I should have just watched it on my laptop from across the parking lot. Either way, the energy these actors put off was suffocating. It was like reliving a moment from a movie where a bunch of old relatives show up and squeeze the hell out of your cheeks and coo like you're four months old.

Also, the ending is demeaning to me personally, but I don't want to spoil it, so I'll just say that I got married pretty young, so eff this movie. I'll give the films credit for getting me interested enough in the plot to want to see it carried out, but I was so bothered by the end that I was mad that I had stuck it out through the entire movie. I felt annoyed like when you're forced to hang out with someone that loves World of Warcraft and has the social skills of a crushed Cheeto. You know that uncomfortable, almost pain feeling you get, like you can't get comfortable? And you want to run nude and screaming from you house to escape? No? Just me? Well, that'll show you for doubting my commitment to nudity and/or ABBA. Oh man, I'm so lost in my review right now.

The best part of this movie was a two to three second shot during the Dancing Queen number where, all of a sudden, there is a shot of a man sitting on a dock playing the piano. It is so non-sequiter and weird that it cracked me up. Look for it, it will be the highlight of the film.

I've noticed a trend recently at my work. The people who tend to ask for Mamma Mia! (it's not out yet), immediately follow the question with a brief review of how "utterly fabulous" (actual quote) the movie was. Interestingly enough, these people are all women, they are all over fifty (or chain-smoking thirty-year-olds), and they all dress like they're about to either go for a walk on the beach or set sail for the afternoon. I don't know why the outfit has been consistent, but I have a hunch that these aging women really just love the idea of female bonding and reliving the music of their youth that this movie provides. I'm not usually one to scoff at chick-flicks, but there's a limit, and this movie is it. So here I am. This is me scoffing.

Special Features:

Disc One:

• Commentary with director Phyllida Lloyd
• All-new musical number "The Name of The Game"
• Sing-Along function

Disc Two:

• The Making of Mamma Mia!
• Becoming a Singer
• On Location
• Amanda Seyfrieds "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!" Music Video
• Deleted Scenes
• Outtakes
• Digital Copy of the film